I don’t really like the Road map idea, I did a lot of ‘Mind Maps” during my school days (Herbalism School), I’ve posted one below. I expect my road map will look more like the one below entitled “Matrix as Environment” and I’m not talking about the movie. I’m talking about something else, which is harder to explain. So After this post is one I wrote for Sutie101.com, in 2002 called “The Matrix.”

FM

Autobiographical Mapping and Soul Retrieval

This is to be a visual record of your life so far. Do not rely on words, but upon images to tell the tale.

Draw a road to illustrate your life. Think of this rather like the path you see on certain board games –use your birth as the starting place and let the road continue to the present day.

Use the features of the road to show how your life has been: where your life has been smooth, let the road be straight. Where your life has been hard, let the road reflect this. When you have been without direction, let the road meander. Where your life has taken unexpected turn, let the road turn sharply. Unexpected traumas might be illustrated by road blocks which the road has had to go around.

Illustrate the events in your life with pictures along the sides of the road – simple or complicated, symbolic or literal. Be creative, and put thought and emotion into the artwork –try to show your feelings about the things you have experienced in life. Do not be afraid to immerse yourself in the work. Use words sparingly, if at all.

If you apply yourself, you may find this a cathartic experience. You may realize things about your life you have not fully understood before. You may see accomplishments or skills you have not fully appreciated. You may see things that are in need of healing.

Anything you find that needs healing you should heal, using the instructions for Soul Retrieval included below. Soul Retrieval will heal the pain of the situation and unblock the energy which has been caught in it –“retrieving” it for you.

When you have finished your map, write a brief description of it, explaining the images.

Soul Retrieval

Soul retrieval instructions:

Soul Retrieval is an extremely effective means of achieving inner healing and release of spiritual blockages. You have already encountered the idea of Soul retrieval several times before this. Because it is such a useful technique, it is one you should become very familiar with and use often.

Soul Retrieval can be used to heal any inner pain, trauma, or blockage. It can also be used to heal outmoded belief systems so that new beliefs can be more easily adopted and reality shaped accordingly.

Sometimes you will have to use Soul Retrieval several times to fully heal the issue at hand –this is normal. Deep issues may require more healing. Most often however, once will be enough.

You can also use Soul Retrieval to heal others: in this case you would do it as a guided meditation, leading the other person through the steps.

We cannot stress too greatly the utility of Soul Retrieval, and urge you to make frequent use of this technique.

· First go to Deity. Use any technique that works well for you. One technique is to create a ball of light in the Heart Chakra, allow this ball to grow until it surrounds you, then let the ball of light carry you into the Otherworld into the presence of Deity. ·

· Now imagine yourself in the presence of Deity. Have no preconceptions, but allow Deity to appear to you in whatever manner Deity may choose. This may not be the same every time you do Soul Retrieval.

· Take a moment and think about the thing you have identified which needs healing. Tell Deity about this thing to be healed.

· Now ask Deity to give you healing for the issue you have identified. Imagine a shower of golden light coming down upon you from above, entering through the top of your head and washing through you. Let it continue as long as it needs to. Tell yourself;

“I allow this healing, I invite this healing, I welcome this healing.”

When the shower of golden light has finished, you are ready to continue. It is not enough to receive the healing. You must also accept the healing.

· Ask Deity to help you to have the acceptance of this healing. Imagine the acceptance washing through you like a wave of energy, entering through the top of your head and passing through you. This is the power of Deity helping you to fully accept the healing.

· And finally, you must integrate the healing and the acceptance into your being. Ask Deity to help you to make this integration. Imagine the integration pouring into your Heart Chakra, like water pouring into a drain. Let this process continue as long as necessary.

You have now had your healing, but you are not done.

· Imagine all of the burdens you have carried because of the issue which has been healed. Imagine these burdens as packages, or as logs, or bricks -or in any other form that will symbolize burden for you. Imagine taking these burdens out of your body and laying them before Deity. Dig as deeply as possible, and rid yourself of as many burdens as you can. You may find that there are more burdens appearing before Deity than you are aware of placing there -these are burdens which are connected to these things but of which you have no conscious knowledge.

· Now ask Deity to take the burdens from you. Imagine the burdens glowing with purple light, becoming engulfed with the purple light, then disappearing. Sometimes this will appear as purple flame.

Thank Deity.

· Now you must make forgiveness. This can be the most difficult part of Soul Retreival, but it is the most important --this is your releasing of what has held you back. Begin by making a formal forgiving of every person who has hurt you or caused you harm in relation to the issue which has been healed. Now, forgive every circumstance or situation which has hurt you in relation to the healed issue. Forgive also any actions of your own which may have contributed in any way to any blockage you may have carried.

By making forgiveness you are releasing any anger or fear which you may have carried, and opening the blockages which come from these.

Do not forget to forgive YOURSELF. Often it is ourselves which we have blamed most and been most angry at.

And finally, forgive DEITY. Forgive Deity in ALL of Deity’s many forms, for any anger which you have harbored against Deity in relation to the healed issue.

Ask Deity to help you to make these forgivenesses as deep and complete as possible.

· Now ask Deity to return to you the parts of yourself which have been lost because of the healed issue. Trauma, pain, anger -these cause us to cut ourselves off from parts of our self, to “block” our own energy. Unblocking this energy allows us to reclaim it, to “retrieve” it –this is the reason it is called Soul Retrieval. ·

· Imagine Deity returning these lost parts of yourself to you, see them as glowing shapes of light, which come into your body, and return to their proper places.

· Now ask Deity to give you healing for these lost parts of yourself -imagine a golden light again raining down on you, passing through you, healing the lost parts.

· Now ask Deity to help you to have the acceptance of the healing of the lost parts of yourself -imagine a wave of energy passing through you, helping you to accept.

· And finally, ask Deity to help you to have the integration of the healing of the lost parts of yourself. Imagine the integration draining into your Heart Chakra.

Now thank Deity.

· Finally, ask Deity if S/He has anything further to tell you. S/He may or may not choose to tell you something more at this time. If S/He does, the message may come in words, or S/he may show you a message in symbols. However S/He responds, express thanks to Deity for the message.

· Now return to yourself, ground and centre as always.

The Matrix Mind Map

Click the thumbnail to make it bigger.

The matrix is both complex and deceptively simple. It is used in working with clients and brings together TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine), Ayruvedic medicine, and the four-element theory and balances these old traditions with modern allopathic medicine.

TCM involves using yin and yang deficiencies (or excesses) and the assessment of dampness, dryness, heat, or coldness in the body. It’s been practiced in China for thousands of years.

Ayruvedic medicine is very similar to TCM and it is practiced in India. People are assessed by their constitution: Vata (air), Pitta (fire) and Kapha (water). Treatment plans are designed according to one’s constitution and also if the symptoms are hot, cold, wet or dry.

The Four Element Theory, which was Greek in origin, looked are Earth, Air, Fire and Water in the body and was the West’s version of TCM. The theory became the Four Humours Theory in Europe, but was lost from common knowledge when the age of reason and science took over medicine. This theory measured levels of the four humours in the body: Sanguine (blood), cholertic (bile), phlegmatic (phlegm or mucous) and Melancholic (black mucous). It was from this theory of medicine that the ideas of bloodletting and leeches came about. It has a bad name now, but the ideas make sense when looked at it from the point of view of the matrix.

So what is the Matrix?

The easiest way to explain what the matrix is to use the analogy of a sponge; Imagine a sponge, just your common everyday sponge with spaces and holes and the ability to soak up water. Now imagine this sponge immersed in water soaked and dripping. Now, imagine that water is seawater with salts and minerals in suspension and dilution.

The sponge is your cells. The Matrix is the fluid surrounding, permeating and flowing through your cells, the seawater, or plasma that keeps our bodies functioning.

When the Matrix functions properly we are healthy. Nutrients flow into our cells and wastes flow out. When we eat food our stomachs break it down into minerals, vitamins and other essential nutrients. Our small intestines then absorb these nutrients and they enter our blood stream. Our blood carries these nutrients to the individual cells. Blood itself does not enter our cells; rather the nutrients pass out of the blood through the membrane of the capillaries and then through the membrane of the receiving cell. In that tiny space where the two membranes meet is the Matrix fluid. This fluid makes the exchange possible because it acts as a carrier in a space where blood cannot go.

If the Matrix fluid is out of balance, say too thin then the nutrients needed in each cell cannot pass through the membranes. If it is too thick then again the nutrients cannot move through or get stuck between the cells. This of course is the same for waste products leaving the cell and this is more serious. When wastes cannot flow out of the cells there is build up of waste, which causes stagnation. Stagnation causes inflammation, which if not dealt with will cause disease.

Each and every cell is able to communicate with every other cell through the Matrix. Once one is able to picture this fluid flowing and moving around each cell one realizes that through this fluid each and every cell in the body is connected. The Matrix allows each cell to communicate with its neighbour as well as send messages to the next cell, and the next. In this way the smallest skin cell in our baby toe has a way of knowing what’s going on up in the cells of our brain.

Imagine a perfect city where the sewers work, mail gets delivered, garbage gets picked up, the politicians know what they’re doing (I said imagine perfection, remember). This is the Matrix at it’s best.

Then the garbage men go on strike or there is a clog in the main sewer line. You can imagine the rest.

All cellular function is based on pH, the acid/alkaline balance in the body. When our bodies are too acidic the Matrix can’t communicate with the cells. Cellular function and communication break down. Enzyme’s, our building blocks stop working and creating new cells. Enzymes are also unable to read DNA coding when the body is to acidic which inhibits grow at the very basic level. Hormone regulation stops or overproduces. We are thrown out of balance and as mentioned above and sickness results.

Acidity is caused by the foods that we eat. Carbohydrates, coffee, and red meat are all acid making foods. Green leafy's, herbs, fruits, veggies and water are all alkaline and Matrix enhancing. Dehydration also causes acidity. Drinking plenty of water helps keep the lymphatic system moving and the Matrix in balance.

Matrix thinking means seeing the body as a system, not a collection of separate parts. It goes beyond just looking at the balance in the cells. When working with a person and using this theory one must look at the big picture. The foods that we eat, or don’t eat are not the only causes of matrix imbalances or stagnation in the body. When we are feeling depressed the Macrophages (or Big-Eaters who clean up excess waste in our bodies) also become depressed and don’t do their job.

Emotional trauma or upheaval, mental anguish and spiritual discontentment can all be causes of stagnation and disease in the body. I often talk to people who have physical illness and their doctors have shrugged there shoulders, said ‘I dunno the cause, or what to do now.” This answer is often spoken when the physical illness does not have a physical cause. However when we use the Matrix system we can look beyond the physical to the emotional or even energtic's that maybe involved. We can take a look at the physical symptom as something hot (like a fever) or something cold. Is it dry, is it damp (mucous)? It opens up the possibilities for treatment to people who have been told, “you’re just going to have to live with it,”

So what does this mean to you, the reader?

It means an awareness that our bodies are more than the sum of our parts. We are not just a bag with a jumble of organs inside with a mind that is separate. Suddenly mind does have power over matter. Our thoughts, hang-ups, and self-criticism affect us on many levels including physical functioning.

And then there’s the scary realization that our bodies are a small piece of a bigger Matrix called earth. We are the individual cell stuck within a larger system, our planet. We affect our environment and our environment in turn affects us. This system of thinking takes on new dimensions when this realization hits. How are we affecting our environment, which is a closed system (matter and energy can not escape, but only change into new forms)? How does our economy affect the system, and how does the system affect the economy? The Matrix system of thinking is used in sustainable living practices, The Natural Step and the emerging new science of Biominicy.

However those are big topics worthy of their own individual articles. To pull the Matrix back down to the smaller level lets take a quick look at how an herb such a coffee affects the Matrix (Coffee grows on a bush, it is a plant and it changes the chemicals in our body, it’s an herb).

When we drink our morning cup of coffee our stomach creates a lot bile (often causing the liver to overwork) and acid to break it down. When it enters our blood stream a number of things happen. The caffeine passes to our cells causing them to burn nutrients faster. Coffee tells our heart to beat faster. Coffee also stops the production of ADH (Anti Diuretic Hormone). This hormone tells the cells how much water to hold on to and also tells the colon to reabsorb water. If it is absent water does not reabsorb. This is why coffee makes us pee and often causes bowel movements; the colon has a lot of water in it.

An interesting side note is that many studies have shown that ‘the jitters and shakes’ that seem to accompany coffee is often caused not the coffee itself, but rather the chemical residues of pesticides and herbicides that are sprayed on commercial coffee beans. Switching to organically grown coffee reduces or eliminates this side effect.

As mentioned before when we become dehydrated the matrix doesn’t function properly and we come acidic in our bodies. I’m not suggesting one stops drinking coffee, I do enjoy my morning cup, but is good to know just how it is changing the pH balance in our bodies so we can act accordingly.

Dandelion becomes an herb of choice to help with the taxation coffee has caused to our liver. It also helps the kidneys that have the tough job of washing caffeine and other chemicals out of our systems. It also helps reinstate the ADH levels in our body so we don’t lose more water then necessary.

Because Dandelion gets broken down into its chemical constituents in the stomach and enters the blood stream as such it will also enter each and every cell in our body thus affecting each cell.

This is the same for all herbs and chemicals we take into our bodies or are exposed to through our skin. This is another way that our outer environmental Matrix affects our cellular matrix.

I wish that I could recommend some further reading for the study of the matrix, but their aren’t any books, yet. However reading about Sustainability and Biomimicry will greatly increase ones knowledge about Systems Thinking and environmental cause and effect. Thank you for taking the time and having an open mind when reading this article. Any and all questions are welcome, post a discussion or email me directly.

Special thanks must be giving to Rowan and Don who first brought the Matrix into teaching. Their personal notes and teaching provided much of the information on which this article is based. Thank you for your strength, teaching and your encouragement to me through these last years.

Click to make bigger.

(previously published in 2002 at Suite101.com, by me)

We have this zany notion that talking about faith, having discussion, and conversation, might just be a good thing.

Can a Pagan and a Pastor, really comunicate with each other in a meaningful way?

We think so.

So check it out... Dovetailmyth

FM

... now if only i can teach Grace to use capital letters... :D

I’ll start with the God thing, if you haven’t read part one, please read it now. In fact jump back to the post On Organization as well, read it, then Finding God in Wicca, and then come on back here. Complicated yes, but I don’t want to explain it all again.

So assuming you’ve read those other posts lets move on. In reading about Orion, I discovered that he’s connected to many mythologies and his history, and Bio is extremely unique in Pagan myth. He evolves and moves thru many incarnations, for lack of a better word, and I personally feel that he evolved into the Horned Man, or Green Man of the British Iles. Though I have no concrete evidence to that theory, it’s “just a feeling”.

The Horned God, Herne, Cernunnos, the Green man are all similar, and in Traditional Wicca (the roots of Wicca, explain in a monument) he is one of, if not the most important God Figure. He has this mystique about him that puts him above the petty squabbles of other pantheons. He is more rural, and mysterious, quiet and unobtrusive, where as Orion of previous (possible) incarnations was right in the thick of the gossip, intrigue and such of ‘court’ life of the Gods.

Along with this exploration I’ve been reading more and learning about Traditional Wicca. I’ve read a lot about it before- I’m no Fluffy Bunny, but I’ve never really cared for the hierarchy, lineage, high magic aspect of the Traditionals. I’ve always been a bit more folkie; a hedge witch, play with fairies sorta Witchypoo. (Some would call that Fluffy Bunny). I joined the Correllian trad. to learn more, and gain a more substantial education. Recently joined a discussion group for BTW (British Traditional Wicca), to do similar, they are all members of the original lineage of the Founding mothers and father of Wicca.

Let me explain. “Wicca” is considered to have been founded by Gerald Gardner, and he created a craft that was very aristocratic in it’s organization and rules. Everyone who was initiated into the trad by him are considered to be members of his ‘down line’, then those people initiated others (if they achieved a specific level of education/experience) and their down line continued. This was back in the 40’s, 50’s 60’s. Not we have modern members who can trace their down lines to one of those people. (this is my understanding of it, since I’m not really a part of it, I could be slightly off)

Some people didn’t like this sort of aristocratic style of craft, so they chose instead to reconstruct pagan rituals that existed in the peasantry prior to Christianity attempting to wipe them out. They are often called Reconstructionalists, And in some circles not considered Wiccan. From there you have all sorts of off shoots and branches that may or may not be ‘true’ Wicca, and might be better called pagan practices, or Witchcraft. I suppose technically, if you have no connection to the original Wiccan of Gardner and his group- you aren’t really “Wiccan”, a witch, a member of the Craft- yes, but not actually Wiccan. I’ve usually tried to use the terms Witch and The Craft, but sometimes it’s just easier to say Wiccan. In this day and age the two terms have gotten a little convoluted in their definitions and are interchangeable. So if you wanted to be difficult, I’m probably not really, really Wiccan, but it’s the label that’s gotten stuck to my forehead and I can’t get it off.

It’s at this point I must also state NOT ALL TRADITIONALS, are snobby aristocratic types! But there are a few. I’ve chosen that term to show the difference between the two sorts of magic, aristocratic and folk. Sometimes the terms used are High magic and Low magic.

Anyways, I joined a group because as much as you can read about a faith, organization, etc… you can never really understand it, until you get involved with the people who are part of it. I’ve found this Discussion group to be extremely helpful in my understanding of Gardnerian, and Alexanderian Wicca (a couple of the traditional names, called after founding people- that part I still find a little confusing, so I won’t try to explain).

And through being a part of this group my scope of Wicca has opened and this new path I was thrown on as a result of the Correllian Trad changes is no longer unwanted, but rather exciting and fresh.

How does this connect to the Horned God? In a couple of ways, I feel like this the Horned God has lead me to this place to learn and grow. It’s not very spiritual learning, but mundane and basic. Like History class in school or such. The Horned God is such a major figure in this type of Wicca and he’s never played much of a role in the branch that I’ve practiced. So in learning about him I’m also learning about the roots of the craft. Also a new coven/group/school has presented itself as a possible alternative to furthering my education (since I’m a perpetual student), and their symbol is a stag. I don’t want to jinx anything about that yet, cuz I still haven’t read back from them yet.

But the stag connects to the Horned God, the Horned God connects to Herne the Hunter, Herne Connects to Orion, Orion Connects to the Full moon Ritual where I was called to Seek a God, Seeking a God is Connected to me looking into the Sky and seeing the Constellation Orion framed between two trees- and that’s how we ended up here. I think, I’m a little confused now.

A.J. Cronin

After weeks of feeling lost and confused I’ve had a major turn of events and everything seems to be working out, a little too perfectly. This is around the time that I freak out because things are happening too smoothly, but I’m not letting myself, I’m just reminding myself to be grateful, to be humble, and to be happy!

Soon I will post Part two to the ‘finding God’ and ‘on organization’ posts, but first a little mundane, and very very good news. I’ve got a job. It’s practically perfect in every way. The pay is great, it’s two days a week, so my son won’t have to go to daycare full time, and its for one of the best Companies in Vancouver- the care about their employees, care about the environment, their products AREN”T made in sweatshops, in fact they have extreme rules about that. I can be proud of the company I work for. I’m going to be an Accounting Clerk! LoL, entry level, paper pusher. Blah, of course, but who cares the people are awesome and it gets me out of the house!

It’s the same company that my hubbie works for, only I’ll be at the head office, and he works at the Service Center- that is five blocks away! He encouraged me to apply, but I didn’t really expect much from it, because the company more often than not hires internally. But Monday they called, went for an interview Tuesday morning, and Tuesday afternoon they offered me the job. YIPPEE!!

I haven’t had a job since before my son was born, so this was all new to me. I worked that job for elections Canada, but it was only two months long. My parents were around for daycare, but they’re planning on going back to Ontario in two weeks. (They live nine months of the year in Ontario, and three months in Vancouver) so we needed to find day care for my son. I called my neighbour down the street who runs a daycare. My son plays with all the kids at the park, and LOW AND BEHOLD! She had room for three weeks from now! So it works out practically perfect! My parents are around the first few weeks of my job and pretty much right after they leave there’s room in day care. There’s only a one-week where I’ll need to employ my sister or friend to be with my kid. YIPPEE!!!

After listening to day care horror stories I’m a little shocked that it all worked out so fantastic, and to be honest I am waiting for something to go drastically wrong…

Hhhhmmmm…

March 22 2006

Today is Ostara, also known as the Vernal Equinox, or if you’re not up on fancy words, Spring Equinox. The day and night are equal today, and only today.

It’s all about balance, baby!

Celebrate by: patting baby bunnies, and those fuzzy yellow chicks.

Colour and decorate eggs
Hiding eggs
Finding eggs
Eating eggs
Looking for spring flowers
Stopping and smell the flowers
Finding joy in the return of the light
Finding hope in the return of the Son (Sun)

WAIT! That sound’s a whole heck of a lot like Easter! Is this were all those Easter traditions came from?

Hhhhmmmm, in a couple weeks the posts will come out of the woodwork about getting the pagan symbols OUT OF Easter, I’m ready for it, cuz MY holiday is today, so toss those cute and cuddly bunnies my way. And if you buy some taste chocolate eggs to hide around the house before you go to Easter services remember- you’ve being pagan, so get over it, or GET IN TO IT!!

(Can you tell I’m excited? It’s like Christmas for me to day, no wait that’s Yule, it’s like Easter or something!)

Have a good day all!

This is an extension of the post “on organization” written a few days ago. If you haven’t read it yet, I suggest reading it first.

Another reason that Wicca has always held such an appeal to me is the Goddess aspect, The respect, honoring and devotion given to the feminine energies of the universe, and self. I always found that lacking in Christianity and though I’ve never gone ultra feminist with my practice and forsworn the God aspect entirely- I’ve always respected the need for balance and attempted to honour both equally- the Goddess has always been slightly more elevated. I feel drawn to her energies; I am after all a woman. I have numerous ‘patron goddess’ whose images I call on for different working and whose essences give me comfort at various times for different reasons.

I’ve written of Hecate and Brighid in prior posts and of my relationships with them. There is also Sophia (gnosis) and Blodewedd, and St. Hildegard among my personal pantheons of Goddesses. But there are no Gods. When I refer to the Goddess I often use a name, usually one of the above. But God always remains, Lord, or the God. No names, no faces, no personality.

It has come to my attention that its time for me to put a face to it. Find a patron God whose image and energy will help me to learn about aspects of myself.

That’s what I really believe about these Goddess and Gods. The energy of Hecate helps me to embrace my dark side, Brighid my healing abilities, Sophia my desire to learn, Hildegard my devotion to the Divine. Blodewedd is harder to explain. She’s a Goddess who was made out of flowers to be a prince’s wife. She ran away from the life imposed on her and lived as she wished. She was made of flowers so she would be delicate, fragile and beautiful- read: subservient. Blodewedd reminds me to not fail to the pressure of labels and other people’s expectations, a lesson I’ve been ignoring this past while.

All of these women, reflect myself, or I reflect them – chicken or egg, you decide. But I’ve never seen myself reflecting Male energies. I’ve never felt connected to any many Gods, yet now I’m being called to find that connection, and the God that has presented himself has me very confused.

For my Christian readers, please note that I use the term God differently than you may interpret. When I say God I don’t mean Yahweh, the Christian God, but the Male Aspect of the Divine Energy. In Wicca some believe that the Divine is divided into female energies and male energies- this brings a kind of balance to the universe as both energies work together and separately in the running of the universe- think yin and yang symbol.

For me, God’s such as Orion, Yahweh, Odin, Zeus… etc are personal manifestations of said energy. They are a part of a whole- a facet of a diamond, one colour in the rainbow, and in the end the whole is more than the sum of its parts.

Seeing this Divine with a human face help me relate to an otherwise unknowable, incomprehensible energy. Like the Goddess, the different Gods that manifest carry aspects of the God energy, and bring lessons as individual as they are. Odin perhaps would teach of self-sacrifice for knowledge, or gain, something like that. I can’t hazard a guess at some of the other Gods lessons, because I haven’t spent enough time contemplating them and what they reflect for me.

Two such ‘Gods’ have presented themselves to me for contemplation, Orion and Nuada. Orion is the hunter, placed in the sky because he broke the hearts of one too many Greek Goddesses. The constellation of Orion is bright in the sky right now and I’ve seen it shining in my window for the last month or so. He’s a hunter, provider, gigolo, and all things that I don’t understand and aren’t a part of my being- or so I’ve believed for many a year.

Nuada of the Silver hand is a part of the Irish pantheon and was one of the many great kings. In a battle his hand was cut off, and in Irish tradition only someone who is perfect can be king. He therefore lost his throne. Later a silver hand was made for him and he regained his throne. These two Gods are connected because he is seen as the constellation that we commonly know as Orion.

So the question is, what do I have to learn from these archetypes? What traits reflect in me?

Unlike the Goddesses, I feel no emotional attachment to them. So I’m beginning to think that their lessons are more mundane, more basic. Not Emotional right brain stuff, but logical left-brain things- a place a venture infrequently- the possible lesson? Could be. I like to leave my left side to Gods Like Carl Sagan, Murray Gell-Mann, just kidding I don’t do as Romans Do and elevate humans to Gods. Bu they are very cool.

To a friend Orion, whom she sees as Herne the Hunter (British), or Cernunnos (Gaulish), is a provider, a father figure, someone who is supportive and brings security to the home. He is a protector and creates a feeling of safety. While I appreciate that this is her relationship with this Icon, it doesn’t ‘ring a bell’ for me and I don’t think is what my relationship with this icon is meant to be. I could be wrong, but it doesn’t ‘feel’ quite right. I’m seeking something else. What that is I just don’t know. So here beings a new journey and a new learning experience for me. We’ll see where it goes.

Patricia has a disclaimer at the start of this post regarding it's content. Please pay attention to it. She is brutally honest and has visuals to go along with her honesty. If you're squeamish, skip it.

I love the section called "Extreme Makeover". PastorDave and Graceshaker, I'm especially interested in your thoughts on this section, you'll understand. The creepy torture witch trial stuff starts afterwards if you want to avoid it.

Not So Fun Facts: History of Witchcraft

This is a pretty concise History of what happened in Salem in the 1600's. I've never really read much about Salem and it's history, though when my sister was there last year she brought me back a certificate that "accused me of Witchcraft" she's so cool.

I enjoyed reading this page because it explained what happened very clearly, and I assume accurately.

The Salem Witch Trials

Scroll down through this page to read the US Army Chaplains Handbook pages on Wicca.

US Chaplains Handbook, 2001

Wiccans wait for VA to allow symbol on headstones at national cemeteries

By Leo Shane III, Stars and Stripes

Mideast edition, Saturday, March 11, 2006

WASHINGTON — Roberta Stewart said her husband was known by his National Guard unit as a practicing Wiccan, someone who was proud of his faith and willing to share it with others.

When Sgt. Patrick Stewart was killed in a helicopter attack in Afghanistan, military personnel at his funeral helped mark off a memorial circle in red, white and blue tape. Friends from his Nevada unit spoke about how important both his service and his faith were in his life.

So when Stewart found out the family couldn’t put a Wiccan pentacle on her husband’s military gravestone, she was devastated. Please read more

She joins the Convent at Kildare, where Saint Brigit’s sacred flame burns. She is educated, can read and write in Latin and the ancient language of the Druid- the Ogham. As a result of this education she is given the task of transcribing the writings of St. Patrick and St. Augustine. At the same time she records the story of her life. The book is written to be like a true transcript, there is no dialogue, and the descriptions of the world around her are basic, and to the point.

Gwynneve writes of her many questions about this new religion, Christianity, in her land, the similarities to paganism and the oddities to which the Bishop can give no understandable answers. A lot of her thoughts are very modern and it is a little hard to believe that even an educated person of that time would think these things. Regardless of that it’s an interesting read because of those thoughts.

Although not the best book of the subject, Pagan Nun was a good story because it presented thoughts about the similarities of religions, thoughts on how Christianity absorbed pagan beliefs into it’s own, etc… There’s a point towards the end of the story where Gwynneve is at a festival or the market place and hears Monks telling stories of St. Patrick. They are stories that were previously attributed to the Irish Gods of the land.

The same is said for St. Brigit whom before her conversion Gwynneve knew as the Goddess Brigid. (Whom I’ve written about here)

I did enjoy this book; with a little willing suspension of disbelief it’s even better. I don’t know if it was meant to stir up opinions about religion, or if it was just meant to be a nice little read. It does both. So if you have a few hours to spare- it’s not a long book, take a look at Confessions of a Pagan Nun. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it.

FM

The loser, only in annoyance (did i spell that right? it looks weird), and not in life...

And as per PastorDaves request I have changed my avatar back to my old one. which by the way, I have no idea who carved it, or it's name. If anyone knows...

please let me know... maybe that'll be the next contest around here.

And now for something completly different...

or rather something meaningful...

Tomorrows post promise.

A couple of posts ago I was bemoaning the fact that the Tradition I belong to has changed their policies regarding clergy fees and its organizational structure. Surrogate made an amusing comment: “Damn those Organized religions, they’ll burn you every time.” Very witty and insightful on his part, though he may not realize just how much that comment has stuck with me. Well it has, and I’ve been thinking a lot about the organization that I belong to and how it is organized.

For the last year I’ve been babbling about how different Wicca is from Christianity because, for the most part, Wicca isn’t organized, there isn’t a set structure and doctrine. This is of course very different from Christianity, which has its Book, it’s set of ideals and rules and even though there are huge differences between sects of Christianity, when you get down to the basics you find the same roots.

For many this structure is what’s turned people off of Christianity. They’ve resented being told when, where and how to worship. In Wicca the doors are wide-open, worship where you want, when you want and in whatever way your heart tells you too.

The whole point in practicing Wicca is to get away from others telling you what to do and how to be Wiccan, at least for many. The more I learn about this Tradition I belong to, and the more I’m a part of the changes they are making to their structure I see them copying the Christian model. Now this in and of itself isn’t a bad thing since so many people like it and are happy with it. But it’s not for me.

I left Christianity for a number of reasons, and one of them was the desire to be free of structure. Remembering that I have to ask myself why did I join this tradition in the first place? And when did I forget my reasons for joining and get caught up in someone else’s ideas about how to be Wiccan?

I joined the Tradition because I wanted a more formal education. I was seeking some structure and the Witchschool that they provided suited my needs and desires at the time. There’s a lot of resentment in the Wiccan community because they offer education on line, but for me I didn’t have the time to join a live group. The online structure allowed me to work at my own pace, and in my own personal space. So it worked.

But somewhere I long the line I forgot that I was there to gain knowledge and that’s it. I got caught up in the ideas of being clergy, having status and really being able to brag a little that I’m “a first degree priestess”, “a reverend.” Etc. I’m both by the way, now, though I found that I never wanted to brag about it, and if fact I don’t like mentioning it because I feel it degrades other Reverends who’ve spent years in seminary, while my course only took six months. So if I don’t even like using that title, why have it? Why get caught up in needing the status when it really has nothing to do with my faith?

It’s a competitive and judgmental world, we, unwittingly sometimes, judge people because of their education, or lack of. Especially in the Wiccan community where it is so fragmented and we struggle with wanted the security of structure but balk at the thought of someone else controlling our faith. I saw having clergy status as a way of having personal structure and personal power if my faith ever came in to question by other Wiccan’s.

It all seems pretty ridiculous now and I realize that I’ve missed out on what really matters and that’s my relationship with the Divine. My interaction, and time spent with the Divine has been sorely lacking because I’ve focused on learning what someone else feels is important to the religion.

Most of my way through the second degree classes I had the same thought, “This doesn’t have anything to do with what I practice. I’m never going to use this in my Real practice.” Yet I learned it. Memorized it so I could pass the tests, bombed a couple- cuz I really didn’t care.

Now that I’m working on third degree classes I’m having the same thoughts. I bombed my last test for that very reason. I just don’t care because it means nothing to me faith.

So why am I bothering? I now ask myself. I’m not a quitter, I would regret it if I quit, I’d feel like even more of a failure if I just dropped it all and walked away. At least if I see it through, glean out what matters over the next year of my study, then I can choose to walk away well informed and knowing it was right to do so.

In the meantime I’m back to trying to focus on my relationship with the Divine. I’m finding that my relationship has changed as a result and that my path is moving in a new direction. This time a direction that is both mine and the Divine’s in the making, not one forced upon me by other people.

This new direction is leaving me with many questions, bringing up ideas I haven’t contemplated before and I am struggling to find the answers- in a good way. But that’s best left for another post…

I admire Graceshaker for his commitment to devoting more time to his faith. Devoting more time to having meaningful conversations with his God and his faith. I know that the conversations today at lunch will be the same conversations we had two weeks ago at dinner, four weeks ago when we had tea. We’ll complain about our husbands, jobs, and children. Tell the cute stories of our husbands, jobs and children. One of us will complain about our hair, weight, or other body feature in focus that week. We will tell the same stories that we already know. And I’ll come home wondering why?

Don’t get me wrong there are times when these conversations are warranted, I’ll even say necessary as ways of venting off frustration that could otherwise result in the serious maiming of said husbands, (just kidding) but after repeated exposure to these conversations I don’t feel like myself. I feel like some suburban housewife caught up in thinking my problems are, well, real problems. Because the fact that my straightening iron didn’t work properly today is such a HUGE deal.

On some occasions we do get into really good conversations, interesting topics of religion, politics, philosophy will cross our lips and I will feel inspired, fulfilled, happy to have friends that are so smart so intelligent, but that’s after we play desperate housewives for an hour.

It’s really not so bad, I love my friends and it would hurt their feelings to read this, and if the mucky rain weren’t falling then perhaps I would feel different. I wander about on the internet looking for conversations with some meat to them. Sometimes I find them; sometimes I just hit walls of, “huh?”

Graceshaker might call my a glutton for punishment, but if one pagan and xtain can get a long then surely more than one can too? I’ve subscribed to this idyllic view that grace and I share in our joint delusions of tolerance and understanding, and I joined his nutty Holy Wild Forum, again. One can say this for xtains- they talk, and talk and talk and talk. They, well these ones, are searching for meaning, looking to get to the meat and bone of their faith. I wonder though, if the same things are just being said over and over. Are people finding growth in there faith by all this talk?

Obviously that’s a question people must answer for themselves, and I don’t know the answer for me. I become a hypocrite because as much as I find small talk tedious, I find the constant big talk exhausting, spiritual draining, when it doesn’t get anywhere.

I guess it’s that middle path that I seek. A balance of spiritual and mundane. Conversation that stimulates grows and isn’t so heavy that I feel weight down by it; Lost within it; my path hidden from sight. Shrug, ramblings of a mad pagan? Goddess only knows.

What you do is turn on media player and put the songs on shuffle and then for each question put the title of the song that comes up

I have mostly quiet relaxing spiritual music on my media player right now

1. What's my mood like right now? Ave Generosa (trans. I behold you) (hildegard von bingen)

2. How's tomorrow going to be for me? Sile (gaelic, don’t know what it means)

3. What kind of person am I? Lothlorien (enya)

4. Am I loved? Arrival of Queen of Sheba (Handel)

5. How can I achieve my highest potential? Merry Go Round (george Winston)

6. What should I do with my life? Hear my Prayer (or the wings of a dove) (trad)

7. Is everything really going to be alright in the end? Amarantine (enya)

8. What is my best quality? St. Nicolas (celitc voices)

9. How does my sex life look? Lullaby (george Winston)

10. What's the meaning of life? O Viridissima virga (o greenest twig) (hildegard)

11. What do people think of me? Celts (enya)

12. Would I make a good lover? Stars (george Winston)

13. How crazy am I? Exile (enya)

14. Will I have a good life in general? The dance (GW)

15. Can (insert name here) ever really love me? Moon (GW)

16. Can me and (insert name here) ever be more than friends? Building the Snowman (GW)

18. Where will I be a year from now? Loreta’s and Desiree’s bouquet (GW)

19. What is my biggest wish? Vesper’s (all night vigil) (celtic voices)

20. What is the love of my life doing at this very moment? Angus Dei (trans. Lamb of god prayer)

21. How will I die? The river sings (enya)

22. What will happen after I die? Graceful Ghost (GW)

23. How do my friends feel about me? Siun Ni Dhuibhir (gaeltic- can’t find trans.)

this flu has a strangle hold on me and won't let go. Sinus pain, sor throat and a constant dribble out of my nose. There's nothing like a flu to make you complelty miserible- and put everything in to precpective.

please stand by...

FM

I sneezed while i was scratching an itch on my cheek, bumped my glasses on my hand and now they're bent.

I'm going back to bed.

FM

A Wiccan Blessing for a Newborn

"Blessed be your breath. May your breathing be deep and relaxed. May you breathe in power with every breath you take. Blessed Be each breath you take.

Blessed be the fire inside you. May your will be unbroken. And may it be as strong as fire, and as supple. May your will be as strong as water, and as supple. MAy your passions burn truly and free.

Blessed be your fire, may it burn strong. Blessed be the waters of your life. May your blood be strong. May the flow from your loin be joyful and fertile.

Blessed be all your life-waters. Blessed be the earth of your body. May your muscles be strong and fearless. May your heart beat with love, soul, vigour and courage.

Blessed be your body which is the body of a God. Blessed be your spirit. May you always have health in spirit. May you be whole.

Blessed be your spirit. May you always have community. May you be prosperous in all ways. May you love and be loved.

May your voice -- both your complaints and your special offerings to the world -- be truly heard.

May you always be surrounded by the warmth of family & community. May you know the innate goodness of your being. Blessed Be."

by Francesca De Grandis, copyright 1996

The short version is that when I began my studies with them I started with the understanding of the guidelines and rules of these degrees. They have now, with little notice changed those guidelines and rules. Namely the decision to have fees for the application process 100 for second degree and 200 for third.

While I understand the need for admin fees and the like and don’t have issue with that aspect- because really that’s not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things. What’s been bothering me is this new fee as been introduced midway and to me it feels like I’m being told at midterms- we can’t give you your passing grade until you give us more money.

Rather than ‘grandfather in’ the new fees (term I’ve never heard before, think I understand, but everyone else seems too) it feels arbitrary and has really shaken my path. I’m torn with the desire to chuck it all and say bite me- I feel like my trust in them has been violated. Or stick it out and remain outer court – member at large- and not worry about clergy status, which isn’t legal in Canada anyway.

There are a lot of arguments for all the possible decisions I could make and right now I feel overwhelmed and very displaced. There’s too much to say and it becomes convoluted and weird when I actually try to map it out.

In the end, and it's taken me a day, and many rants to message boards and various friend (thanks for listening everyone), to figure this out. I feel like my path has been changed for me. With all changes I feel out of control.

For as long as I’ve walked this path I have remained in control of where it was leading and the detours I choose. And when the Goddess altered my path she did so gently with a little push and "this is just a suggestion".

Now it feels, that someone else in now calling the shots, picked me up and said "here's your new path" without any notice or discussion from me. I find that startling and unnerving. Perhaps not everyone will see it that way and simply suggest I retake control- which I plan on doing- but in the meantime change and upheaval is uncomfortable regardless of the inevitable and it takes time to adjust.

Slowly I work my way out of this turmoil… please stand by…

side note: thank the Goddess for "happy Planet: extreme Green" drink- so yummy healthy makes me feel better and Advil Cold and Flu!